Moving Beyond Just Getting By

This is a place I think a lot of people get to and then quietly feel stuck, because getting out of survival mode is exhausting, and once you finally do it, no one really tells you what comes next. You spend so much time focused on covering bills, catching up, and trying to breathe financially that when you finally have a little bit of space, it can feel confusing instead of freeing.

I think part of the problem is that we throw around the word wealth without ever really defining what it means. Is it a certain number in your investment accounts? Is it your net worth? Is it making a certain income? Or is it having the ability to live your life without constantly worrying about money? The truth is, it is a combination of those things, but more than anything, wealth is about control. It is about having control over your time, your choices, and how your money supports your life. Because you can make a lot of money and still feel stuck and really unhappy, and you can have investments growing in the background and still feel like you are one step behind.

When you are in survival mode, your money is reactive. It is covering what already happened. It is paying for decisions that have already been made, bills that are already due, and situations you are trying to manage in the moment. You are focused on getting through the month. When you start building wealth, your money becomes proactive. You are no longer just asking how do I get through this month, you are asking what do I actually want my life to look like and how can my money help me build that.

That shift is not just about having more money. It is about having a system that gives you clarity and consistency. It is about knowing where your money is going before the month even begins. It is about creating enough stability that when life happens, and it will, you are not constantly starting over. This is where things like a starter emergency fund, sinking funds, and a realistic budget actually matter, because they create the foundation that allows you to move forward instead of sideways.

Once you have that foundation, building wealth becomes about direction. It is about intentionally deciding where your extra money goes instead of letting it disappear. That might look like consistently investing, even if it is a small amount at first. It might look like increasing your contributions over time. It might look like paying off debt in a way that frees up future cash flow. It might look like building savings for things you know are coming so they stop derailing your progress.

What I see happen a lot is people think they need to be doing everything at once to be building wealth. They think they need to be maxing out every account, investing, saving aggressively, and optimizing every dollar. That mindset can keep you stuck just as much as survival mode did, because it becomes overwhelming. Building wealth is not about doing everything at once. It is about doing the next right thing consistently and allowing that to compound over time.

There is also a mental shift that happens here that is just as important as the numbers. In survival mode, every dollar feels like it is already spoken for. When you start building wealth, you begin to see your money as a tool. You start to realize that every dollar has the ability to either support your current life or build your future. That is when your decisions start to feel more intentional instead of reactive.

The transition is not one big moment where everything changes overnight. It is a series of small decisions where you start leading your money instead of constantly reacting to it. It is choosing to plan ahead, even when it feels unnecessary. It is choosing to stay consistent, even when progress feels slow. It is choosing to think beyond right now, even if right now still requires your attention.

That is what building wealth really is. It is not just a number on a screen. It is the ability to create options for yourself over time. It is the ability to handle life without everything falling apart. It is the ability to say yes to things that matter to you without carrying the weight of financial stress behind it.

And it starts long before you feel ready.

Yesterday marked three years since losing my mom.

I can still picture that moment so clearly. I was 29 weeks pregnant, being wheeled down the hallway in a chair because my legs stopped working, heading toward the room where doctors were performing CPR on my mom. My body reacted before my mind could even process what was happening. I got sick. I threw up in the hall. It was like everything inside me just rejected the reality of it. I couldn’t bring myself to go into the room where my stepdad and sister were holding onto each other while they tried to bring her back. I didn’t want to see her like that. That is not how I wanted to remember her.

The last three years have been a lot of trying to understand something that doesn’t really make sense. I put myself in therapy. I have worked through layers of grief, anger, confusion, and acceptance that doesn’t always feel like acceptance. There have been a lot of hard realizations, but one of the most profound has been the guilt.

Guilt for not getting to know her more as a person.

Not just as my mom, but as a woman.

I find myself going back through old emails and text messages, and I see it now in a way I didn’t before. So many conversations centered around me. My life. My problems. My updates. I didn’t ask enough questions. I didn’t ask about her childhood, her experiences, what she loved, what shaped her into who she was. I assumed I had more time. I assumed those conversations would always be there waiting for me.

And that realization has been one of the hardest parts of all of this. Knowing there is still so much I don’t know.

So instead of staying stuck in that guilt, my therapist and I came up with something that has given me a little bit of peace. A way forward.

A way to still get to know her.

I’ve made it a personal mission to learn about her life in every way I still can. I’ve been going through old photos, talking to people who knew her when she was younger, having deeper conversations with my stepdad, connecting with her adoptive brother, and asking questions I wish I would have asked years ago. I am piecing together her story in a way I never did before.

And in 2027, I plan to go to Japan. To visit the orphanage where she was adopted at two years old. To see the town where she was born. And hopefully, to sit down with her biological sister and learn about a part of her life that has only ever existed to me in stories.

My mom was special. Her life was not easy, and her story is one of strength, resilience, love, and kindness in ways that I am still uncovering. It is why I feel so strongly about eventually writing a book. Not just about her, but about this journey of getting to know someone you love after they are gone.

If there is one thing I have learned through all of this, it is this.

Tell the people in your life that you love them. Often.

Do not wait.

And take the time to truly know them. Not just in the role they play in your life, but as a whole person. Ask the questions. Listen to their stories. Be curious about who they were before you and who they are outside of you.

Because one day, those conversations won’t be available anymore.

And you will wish you had asked.

I don’t chase financial freedom anymore. I chase fulfillment—stability, clarity, and confidence. Because real peace with money isn’t a number. It’s how you live today.

In this video, I take a look at my yearly spending and share how I fill out the Yearly Spending and Yearly Balance Overviews in the Budget by Paycheck Workbook!

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A few gems from the past to check out:

Here’s your April money checklist to help you stay focused on what actually matters this month. Since April is Financial Literacy Month, it’s the perfect time to not just go through the motions, but really understand what’s happening with your money.

Until next time,